Both males and females fall into this category. You've seen them in a chat room, working their magic, masterfully reeling in their prey smoothly and subtly. It's really art in progress if you're aware of what's happening and have an opportunity to sit and watch them work. They are sometimes quiet, sometimes gregarious, but ultimately they come to the same end, dragging some helpless guy or gal into an online romance of gigantic proportions. They will say and do anything to convince their target that they are sincere, devoted and 100% in love with them. However, you can pretty much guarantee that most of what they have to say is either an outright lie, or the truth bent so dramatically it's ...okay, a lie. *L* They are charming, generally fairly intelligent (you can't be stupid to brain fuck someone this badly) and completely single minded in their purpose. In a nutshell we're talking about some of the most selfish people you'll ever have the opportunity to meet. They care nothing about the feelings and lives of the people around them unless it somehow effects them directly and may interfere with their plans. They use, abuse and discard and have no problem writing off the people they leave in their wake as non consequential because hey, this isn't real, it's only the internet after all. Turn the tables on them and give them a taste of their own medicine and suddenly it's as real as rain though.
Some are married, separated, divorced or single. It doesn't really matter because no matter the situation they're in, they will have you convinced that theirs is a life of woe and hardship. Maybe their present spouse is uncaring, uninterested. They might even tell you they're dead. *L* It just depends on how far they're willing to go. What really matters is that you're totally convinced that here is someone who needs you, has to have you to live and whose life is incomplete without you in it. You probably won't even notice at all that all your time together is spent talking about him/her and their problems, what to do about them, how hopeless and helpless they feel. Really, it's pretty pathetic, but for a certain type of people, it makes them feel like they're doing something, that they're helpful, needed and most of all irreplaceable and loved.
Here are a few things you can watch for, some clues as it were, to help you determine if the person that you're spending your time with is one of these kinds of chatters.
1) Moving You Out Of Chat ~ Will talk to you in the chat room at first, but slowly work you out of the room, away from others and into chats where you don't know anyone or icq where it's totally private. While this is the case with a lot of people who chat from time to time, the purpose for doing so is very different with a player. Since most players have a couple of gals/guys in tow at one time, keeping you out of the chat is a good way to make sure you don't cross paths with any of them. They'll tell you it's because they just want to be alone with you, they don't want to share you, they want to devote all their attention to you but they just don't want to get caught.
2) Asking You To Keep Your Relationship A Secret ~ They'll use a lot of different reasons for why it has to be like this and why it's better. Anything from protecting your relationship from chat room gossips, to how it's so much better that it's just you and he/she in your private little cocoon right on along to people are out to get him/her, don't understand him/her and will just tell you lies about him/her. Whatever they use, it's pretty much bullshit either way. The whole point is again to keep you from finding out that they've been spinning the exact same lines to 3 or 4 other people in the room, or, for someone they've already discarded to discover your existance and clue you in.
3) No Resolution ~ Whatever problem they may have in their lives, whatever story of hardship and woe they use to keep you clinging is never resolved. They may say it's close, they may say just a little more time, it all depends on the hook. However, chances are their spouse is totally unaware there's a problem at all, they may be engaged to be married and go right on ahead and do just that. Whatever. The point is, throughout your entire time together, there's always something going on so you can't meet, can only talk on the phone at certain times if you talk at all, and oh just hold on a little longer, we'll be together, if you really love me you'll wait. They want to keep you thinking you're needed and necessary and relevant, it's the easiest way to keep you coming back for more.
4) Nothing Is Their Fault ~ It doesn't matter what's going on, what the situation is, it's always blamed on someone else. Always. Even something they could easily take credit for is sluffed off onto someone else's back. You're going to be blamed for a lot of things, and you'll cry and ask for forgiveness even though you know you didn't do anything wrong or worse, you have no idea what you're apologizing for. They'll blame your friends online, ex's, wives, husbands, imaginary enemies...anything and everyone but them. And of course their gift of gab makes it easy for them to turn any situation into one where they're the victim with you usually ending up the aggressor. You'll sit and wonder and ponder and eventually you'll concede that yes, you're at fault, the world is just out to get him/her and now you're a part of that and he/she just doesn't deserve you and what are you going to do to make it up?
5) Things Just Don't Add Up ~ You'll notice here and there that things aren't always what they seem. You'll ask yourself why it is that so many people are so negative towards the person you're with. You'll wonder from time to time why it seems that even though they shouldn't be online, people are mentioning their name in conversation. Why is it that you're never in control of the relationship? Why is it you always seem to be playing the waiting game, sitting for hours a time wondering where they are and when they do show up, there's no explanation at all, or they have this elaborate tale to explain their absence? Sometimes they're angry you're questioning them and you end up apologizing yet again for just wanting to know what's going on. Why is it the things that everyone else seems to take for granted, you have to fight tooth and nail for? Like time together, a phone call or a smooth easy going relationship. Why is there always that constant nagging feeling that things aren't right, that maybe he/she isn't being completely honest and that you're going to be online like this together for as long as you live?
These questions and others will run through your mind from time to time, and you'll feel guilty about it. Know this, if you can't ask why without fear of recrimination or a big fight, then you need to seriously re-evaluate the relationship. If you can't be honest with the person you're with, if you can't talk openly about your reservations and doubts, then you're going nowhere. If you find time and time again that the only person doing all the decision making is the other person, then you can bet you're being played. One last thing, pay attention to the people around you. If you're the only one believing in this persons character and intentions, look twice and don't be a fool.
An exception here would be the Player who says they're a Player. They hide nothing about why they're online and what they want to do. These people are genuinely a pretty fun lot to hang around with, because what you see is generally what you get and their debauchery can be pretty entertaining and fun to follow along with. If you're pals with them and they don't see you as a viable target, they can be funny and can make great friends.
One last note. While most Players are just shallow, selfish people who don't do any more harm than breaking a heart or two but are otherwise okay people, there are the rare few who are just genuinely evil and destructive in their attacks on people and should be avoided if at all possible. They will have no qualms entering into your "real" life and making things as miserable for you as possible, should you be unfortunate enough to cross them. They are single minded in their mission to have total control of the people around them, total allegiance from them and will lie, cheat and basically use any means possible to meet that goal. They are dangerous, they are mean and there is no limit to depths they will sink to.